Sitting in a room I have called my bedroom for a short month an a half. I look around and wonder when in the world will I ever be back with my husband and to where we are finally living on our own. Seperated 5,000 miles apart in this lonely bedroom of mine, wishing I had never left Germany in the first place to have our baby in the states. I was scared to have a baby in a completely different country one I knew barely anything about, I should of known better than to leave my husband. Asking myself over and over again, "What was I thinking"?
Well, I wasn't thinking.. to be completely honest. My pregnancy hormones got the best of me, I wanted American food, I wanted to be around people that spoke my language, and most of all I wanted to get out of this horrible womans house. My Husband and I were offered to stay at one of his buddies house while I visited Germany and hopefully got my command sponsorship down while I was visiting. I could go on and on about this lady, she was 25 and a little bit taller than me. She had a chip in her right tooth and the meanest green eyes you have ever seen. For the first month she was sweet as can be but had a feeling that this wasn't really how she was just by seeing how she was with her husband you could tell she had him on a very short leash. While we were eating dinner one night she just snap at her husband out of no where and yell like a lunatic at him while my husband and I just sat there awkwardly praying she'd just stop yelling. I'll never forget the first time we were at the PX and she started yelling at her husband in front of everyone and Jesus. She's call him horrible names and flat out tell him he was a piece of crap(in nicer words) What I never could understand is her husband just let her yell at him in public and talk to him like that, sometimes he'd even agree with her. It just blew my mind how angry this woman was!
The last month I stayed in Germany it was horrible my husband went of to sniper selection and I was stuck there for 2 weeks with her and her husband fighting none stop. Well if that wasn't bad enough her house was disgusting she had to be the laziest, meanest people I have ever met in my life.The smell of her kitchen literally made me run to the bathroom everytime I entered it. Well, I missed my period that week and was wondering how in the world could this be. My husband was told he wouldn't be able to have children. 5 minutes after peeing on the first response pregnancy test it had the two lines I thought I'd never see, I was PREGNANT!! I was extremely happy and the only person I had to share my excitement at the time was her, everyone in the states was peacefully sleeping at 3 am. So I tell the last person in the world that i'd want to share my excitement with, her. This, in a way sucks for me because she and her husband have been trying for a couple of years to get pregnant and nothing. Okay so she acts happy for me and then that next day Garretts done with sniper selection, passes and her husband is out of the field. I tell Garrett he's the happiest man in the world, this is a exciting time in our life. Well, I should of know there would be a problem with me getting pregnant. I think she thought I was some how rubbing it in her face, which I tried my hardest not to because I was in her exact same position. She starts acting completely different we actually don't even talk for days at a time, keep in mind i'm staying with this woman. So not only do I have horrible morning sickness but I feel totally unwelcome in the couples house.
My command sponsorship was no where near being completed and my husband and I were hating being at their house more and more everyday. One day after he got off work my husband and I decided to go for a long walk to get out of their house while she was yelling at him so loudly my head was actually starting to hurt. We needed to talk anyway to where they couldn't here what we were saying, we needed to talk about me leaving. My grandpa had just passed away and I felt like at the time my family needed me and our baby needed to be born around family. Him and I decided that the best decision since my command sponsorship wasn't even close to being down that I needed to go back to the states and be with my family. I didn't wanna leave my husband, he'd miss my whole pregnancy and he'd be alone in the barracks. I guess this decision was a must though.
I take the first flight out of Nuremberg to Dallas, Texas you should have seen me bawl when I had to say goodbye to Garrett. Usually I don't cry but ever since I became pregnant the tears come a Rollin! I finally get back to Texas with my family I'm staying with my grandma because she just lost her husband and she needed some company, but oh God was I wrong. My grandma was like my mom while I was growing up she was there for me no matter what. But after my falling out with my dad she looked at me a totally different way. My grandma said mean things to me about my pregnancy and about how I am as a person. I couldn't take it any longer and my mother just the next town over didn't seem to care about spending time with me. She was too caught up in her own life with her boyfriend she just moved into. Looking back I've never had a close family, it's just not how my family is. I kid you not my grandmother will get on the phone with my cousin talk crap about my aunt, hang up, call my aunt and talk crap about my cousin. I never noticed it when I was younger but oh man did I get a slap in the face of how much my family wasn't a family while I stayed with my grandma.
So I got on the phone with my mother in law who called me everyday and cared more than everyone in my family put together about my pregnancy. she told me before I even left Germany if me and my baby wanted to stay in Arkansas with her that we were more than welcome to stay. Anyway I got on the phone with her hysterically crying because I've realized how horrible of a family I have and I tell her that i'm coming to live with them until I move back to Germany. My in laws were over filled with joy that they were going to have me and my son with them.
Here I am 7 months pregnant and ready to have this baby so I can get our command sponsorship ball rolling! I don't know anyone here in Arkansas and I think I have "the pregnancy blues" I miss having frends a couple minutes away from me and most of all I miss my husband more than anything!! I have all of October, all of November and 18 days of December till Garrett comes home on block leave and our son is born.
