"What if's"?

I don't know if I'm ready to talk about this I don't even like to think about it. It feels like my heart stops in mid beat when I start to think about the "What if's".. It's not right for anyone to go threw what my son and I are about to go through. I knew this was going to happen, it was always in the back of my mind. The thought probably crossed my mind everyday wondering when exactly G was going to deploy. Now the thought crosses my mind about 10 times a day. I can't ignore this anymore G is training alot lately and his training is getting more and more intense as the days go on. His block leave is coming up were already planning things to do and I have already booked the hotel.
With me being in the states and G being in Germany this whole time I feel like i've already gone through a deployment but nothing compared to what he's about to do. He's not going to be safe like he was in Germany, I'm not going to get to talk to him on skype everyday, and i'm definitely not going to be able to see his face. I've never been this scared in my life. I know I can do this and we can get through this next year but God the what if's scared the hell out of me. I wish I could flush them out of my mind.

What do you do to try and avoid thinking about the "What if's"?

Go figure!

I know i've been a horrible blogger lately. Here in Texas I actually have a life.. well lets just put it this way I have family and friends to be around and do things with. In Arkansas I just had my in-laws and I was the most depressed I'd ever been in my life. I'm not a depressed kind of person, never been on depression medicine I try and make the best out of the situation that come my way. But in Arkansas I did absolutely nothing except go to the doctor it was terrible. I regret staying there although I did stay there for my husband so he could visit his family on Christmas. But all in all I regret staying there because that's 7 months of my life that I could have been happy that'll never get back. What can you do though? I'm just going to put that in the past and live everyday now as happy as I can. I still have to go back to Arkansas and get all my stuff and move it over here in Texas.. I've been having kind of like anxiety about going back there. It's weird I just know I never wanna live my life like that again. I'm not trying to point any fingers as to why I was miserable there but my mother in-law has had depression issues ever since my husband can remember she never wants to do anything all she does is talk on the phone to her friends back home. My sister in-law and I always tried to get her to do stuff with us and she'd alway say no. Again i'm not saying she's to blame but I really think her depressed ways rubbed off on me. I don't know I was just a young scared soon to be mother and I didn't know what to do so I moved in with my in-laws. I should have stayed here in Texas with my family because in the end.. I love my husband dearly but honestly my happiness needs to come first especially if he's not even in the states. I think I've really learned an important life lessone and knowing me, I have to learn things the hard way. Go figure!

What a week!!

Hi Everyone!

I know I haven't blogged in a really long time. I went to Texas to visit my family.. and see my dad before he deploys. I don't think i've been this happy since August, I now know that I need to be in Texas when G deploys! It's crazy how the people you surround yourself with can change a world of difference in your mood. But anyway this week has been one heck of a week. First horrible thing that happened to me was.. idk if yall have heard about that bad grass fires in the panhandle well yeah I was running from them pretty much. I went to go pick up my little brother from his dads we met half way in a small town well on my way back to my moms house I notice that its really hazzy but the wind was blowing so I didn't think anything about it. Well I get down the road and it's blocked off the grace fire is out of control and the sky is black well the cops were freaking out telling me to get out of there.. so I turn my car around and do 100 down to Amarillo. Well I finally get to the end of Amarillo and guess what theres another horrible fire! So by now i'm freaking out trying to call my sister because she's been watching little G for me. I finally get a hold of her and she says yeah theres a fire on both sides of the town she's in and the only way to get out is to go to Dumas so I hall butt to Dumas where I met my Aunt and uncle there, they were also running from the fires!! Well anyway I'm freaking out praying to God my sister, son and Grandmother don't get caught in any grass fires on the way to Dumas.. There were 10 different fires in the Panhandle and I didn't know if there was one on the way to Dumas.. but they had to get out of my grandmothers house because there were fires all around that town. But eventually they met me in Dumas and we stayed there till 12 am waiting out the fires. It was terrible!! Here's a picture of the damage that fire in Amarillo did...










Andddd then yesterday I was driving to go get my iPhone 4 (which btw is the best phone in the world) and this flies into my friggen car!!





It's been a great week?? haha.